Morning I Ching throw

Devin Hormann-Rivard met David when he was about 5 years. He kept in touch with his spiritual guide throughout his life and participated in many retreats over the years. After graduation from Naropa University in Boulder he was called to join us in Silverton, helping support David's healing process, to be of service and to learn from his mentor. David's distinct assignment for him was an invitation to take his outdated I Ching book he had published years earlier to the next level for a revised edition. Over the last 6 months, the book has been taken through reformatting, editing, re-editing, design, re-design and publishing stages, and has been officially shipped out from the publisher!!! I will receive the hot-off-the-presses box of books any DAY now... Thursday or Friday this week!!!!

This undertaking truly would not have been possible without the dedication and form-holding capacity Devin brought to the project. David's passing ripped through Devin as painfully as for any of us, especially given that he had specifically moved to Silverton be close to him. He took David's request for the republish to heart and made a steady daily practice of designing and formatting the new layout (not to mention learning the advanced computer software just as diligently to do so). His relationship and practice of throwing the I Ching regularly, as well as his field of study, offered clarity about the complexities of Chinese principles and turned out to be invaluable in David's absence... for all the integrity issues involved in producing another artist's works.

This post is for Devin, seen in these images below on a crisp Colorado camping morning... Throwing the I Ching with Quinn Joyce, sweet young neighbor and friend.

Thank you Kind Warrior

A poem by Devin relating a slice of his experience in Yosemite at David's memorial

Devin handing Quinn the coins of his destiny

Sharing from the heart

Nov. 20, 2009

lots of requests to know "how I am"... thanks for asking I know Im behind

I am frazzled and reworked,

new and sincerely puzzled

loved and loving

... emotional


INSPIRED


dancing with courage and fear

listening

Wintering (mostly) in Silverton

Missing Amma tour

Sad I cant keep up with everyone

Newly exploring FaceBook

Tired

New snow sparkles in my eyes, new flush on my face

teaching yoga and learning bellydance

theraputic sessions with skilled friends (thank goodness)

feeling art & movement workshops in my future... after some settle

Have way too much stuff (mine and D's from Ashland and Hawaii, his PARENT'S things)

Paperwork, email & phone are the time-consuming toppers... still much to do

Recently created a retreat plan for a local group, some new and old facilitation skills integrating


every day is a bow

and yet...

when will things feel normal?

when will I find a balance between extremes: like feeling tired of answering the question " how are you" but hurt just the same if no one asks...

ready for things to move on without him one minute, then just as pained when I'm out on errand and the pulse steadys on at the grocery or post office as if the world is the same


I know i need more quiet yet there is much stimulation

...more nature, less laptop

I get out on brilliantly sunny white walks in the hills... the contrast of hot sun and cold ground

Taking many pictures and building a portfolio for later times.... its the most fun treat right now


Im in a sweet something with a new/old "friend"

... it's supportive I think, Im enriched in new ways
and also aware of the raw element ... careful yes....

Important part is Tara expressing through me

And creative partnership with eye for photo images


loving David and letting him go

sharing his creative voice with emerging book


he's been giving me space but staying close if that makes sense

New language we now speak

Ibn expresses David often too


Tell me your unrelated segments of streaming thoughts some time ...


With love in my heart, Ananda






Yosemite Memorial, August 2009 "Relinquishing ceremony" offered by elders.In this photo: Onnolee Stevens with initiating dragonfly necklace from Barbara Cecil. Photos by Cara Cruickshank (thank you so much!)

A hard photo...

prepare...



Difficult time, march 2008, 15
ashland oregon

David in pain beyond our comprehension
a kind heart transformation

helping others by taking on some pain and burning rapidly

not rapidly enough / a toll on the body

found in every tradition

this service to humanity

D came with his issues

like the rest of us

but

for this loved creature

the ancestors, guides, spirit helpers and light streams

were in his dear favor

as was Ghigs Razi with her class in the February cold
with love songs on Valentines Day
... angels...

Good News Story

Sweet, grateful tears as I write this. Waves of relief... It's awfully personal, but I wanted to share good news and celebration ... in honor of the balance... for all the hard work we have each put in for David, his life and his pain (or if you've been thru the gamut, in terms of health care and medical coverage. This issue is so up for everyone at the moment.)

I just got a call . The oncologists who treated David in Durango have been wondering how they were going to get paid for all the office visits, chemo treatments and hospital rounds. Insurance company's arms were crossed these last few months... "we're sorry, we dont cover that" ... They said the approach was experimental and research based.

I pasted below some of my response letter
... gripping with injustice and raw with loss but somehow pulled this through... and...


... IT WORKED!

The call I just hung up was to tell me the insurance company will be covering everything... everything except one office visit !

For all the letters and calls over the last few months to banks, credit cards, utilities, Dr offices and insurance companies, I CANT TELL you the relief that SOMETHING came back with affirmation. And knowing the team of docs and staff will be properly covered! Uah!

Huge!

Thanks for listening,
with love, Ananda


Sept. 22, 2009

Re: Request for Secondary Internal Review in response to initial Grievance Response from Golden Rule
Attached: Five photos, in chronological order, of patient's tumor over the course of four months.

Dear Golden Rule Grievance Administrator:

I have received a copy of your letter addressed to SW Oncology regarding the initial review determining benefits for services provided by them to patient David La Chapelle. The letter states no benefits are available.

The photos included consist of five images of David, profiling the squamous cell cancer tumor on his neck, spanning from March 4, 2009 to the day he passed away, July 21, 2009.

The initial review states the reason for a decline of benefits is that the treatment in question (David's chemotherapy) by Southwest Oncology would be considered "investigational, experimental or for research purposes" . The photos are relevant to your second review in that they reveal, without a doubt the successful and complete shrinking of the very large tumor. Let the photos show the very sound and relevant treatment plan carried out by the professionals of SW Oncology.

It was their long-lived body of experience, their qualified and competent skills as doctors, not to mention their up-to-date knowledge base (in a field moving at break-neck speed, that of oncology), that their plan of treatment for David was as successful as it was for entirely shrinking his large tumor. Their methods were, in my opinion (and I have lost my partner and best friend here), sound, safe and not based on experimental purposes or for the purpose of research and investigation. Rather, they were based on experience and education, not to mention the mysterious yet valid skill-set of intuition; an important ally for all doctors. As I say, in a field of information moving as fast as oncology, it is a doctor's key responsibility to go with the best plan for the condition, whether it is or is not yet widely accepted by "most doctors" as your letter indicates. And they must balance that, at every moment, with the "approved" or " accepted" mainstream, which, we all know comes with faults, such as being even slightly outdated.

The motive for treating David with Abraxane/Erbitux is that it was in the best interest of the patient, your client, David La Chapelle, as it exposes the rest of the body systems to the least amount of unnecessary toxicity. Given the mission statement repeated in each of the letters I have received from your offices, you "have made customer service of (y)our top priorities". If that is true, I am confident you want for your clients what doctors want for their patients: sound, safe treatment. Anything else would be a disservice to the customer you are so very dedicated to keeping a "high priority".

Thank you for the time you have given to reading this letter. Please consider me available for any further questions anytime.

Sincerely,
Ananda Elise Foley
Designated Representative for David La Chapelle

High Elevation, Low Temperatures

When the hospital chaplain walked me out to my car, he carried the bag with David's clothes. Knowing I'd driven my loved one into the doctor's office four hours earlier on that surreal day, he gazed at the dark sky spilling rain and said I was joined by God in my tears. That moment, on cue, the rain intensified and dumped on us so fast we hugged goodbye and I scurried to open my car door to stay (relatively) dry. A moment earlier he'd asked what I was going to do now...? and I'd responded I would be sitting in my car alone, transitioning...

Woosh, that's where I now was... damp, sitting, transitioning... alone

The phone rings and caller ID says it's my mom. I start to put the phone back down... not now mom, its kind of a bad time... WAIT... she is calling at this very moment. I answered and shared the hard news. That afternoon, she packed and drove 8 hours to get to me, and has been within reach, sharing the mountain of duties, ever since. Today was the day, after the fullness and maturing of a full moon just passed, after attempting to leave earlier but being turned back by early snowy windy road conditions, the timing was all lined up for today.

She drove off this morning and I have been palpably aware of the new sensation, one that would have been a grand leap two months ago... I am .... w,with... out him now.

There were people around when he was sick, people coming/ going before that (thank goodness), people around during the loss time, and for all phases of my grieving chapters...

Today was the first day it was just me feeling aware how much my mother's help softened the blow, allowed segments of loss to be delivered in layers....

My dear neighbors the Joyce's, who have been key support during the last years, found their life's movement packing them and transplanting them to Durango this week for work. They're gone. Quinn and Tucker too. Close still? yes ... Dramatically different all of sudden? Very yes.

Aspen leaves, gold and radiant throughout town just last week, stripped down overnight leaving the reminder that it is chill season now... The peaks are coated white. It's stunning, it's fantastical... and it's yet another taste of loss.

It's okay
I'm clear the experiences immediately ahead are about finding fullness in the emptiness. There's no other way to understand this.

I will open my door to Quiet, serve tea to Reflection. Studio Experimentation time, I have longed would ask for my dance card, is close, waiting.... Waiting for '08 tax papers to get sorted and sent away, for legal probate stuff to get resolved, winter's wood to be cut and stacked, and waiting for the book completion.... among other things

Then...

Then... a little precious hibernation - mixed with the sweetness of small-town holiday get-togethers, stillness of snow... and a little catching up on my thank-you-note plate of spaghetti.

Photos taken Sept 30
Wood and fall's show just days ago, before they were winter's trees, bare and explicative of coming cold




Mom's hard work: new linseed coating for house exterior and new "periwinkle" door color... love it with the gold aspen.... (thank you thank you)



First snow on peaks

Yosemite Veteran Pilgrims

Paul & Carol Hwoschinsky, your care and holding as elders, as friends, is a delightful gift to my life... plural gifts... your knowing presence, concern for my wellbeing, creative thinking in terms of the republication of the I Ching book and finances, family ties. Thank you for bringing your light to Yosemite, all of us in your own big back yard... Ananda

Photos just received, taken by Lisa McLaren, aka Punyavati, aka Arunachala Swamiji, thank you! From Lisa: "Anandaji, Fine to post by me - I know the resolution on the iphone pics isn't very good so don't know how that will work but... And thanks SO much for all your communication. I read and contemplate and it's as if the replies are sitting in the wine cellar of my soul needed to mature..... xoxoxo PAL"

Thank you

Thank you Melanie Smith and Steve Wolf; Becky, Paul and Quinn Joyce. Your selfless service during one of the hardest stretches was a vital nourishment line to me. Thank you for the countless tasks you muscled and surrendered through, but even more so...

... for being there...

At Ginny's table, Boulder CO. April 15, 2009

June 7 2009

David during the stage your help was daily, hourly, minute-to-minute with me ...closely...

I could not have done it without you

thank you

Thank you Dani Antman for your skill and holding my grief, your natural love for David and myself, for your work organizing and tracking details with me and holding ceremonial space for the Yosemite memorial. For welcoming my mom and I into your home for a break, getting us to the ocean and sharing your joy for your new California life and for spreading your healing work into the world.

thank you

On Sep 16 2009, Julie Pigott wrote: Dear Madame- Please keep me on the list of wild ass women seeking deep spiritual connection through the cosmic vehicle containing in part, chocolate and caffeine!!

Much love to you in the weaving & untangling & creation of your lovely life. Blessings, Julie

From: ananda@jeffnet.org

Subject: Re: Yes!!!

Date: September 16, 2009 11:50:17 AM MDT

Hello deep heart, your love and magic are with me more than you know. I include some colorful love photos of you to show you how much your being fills a space with beauty and prana

I will never ever be able to thank you for all you have brought to my life in this hard transition... coming with Ben to Boulder, providing for our living set up so David wouldnt have to move sooner than it was correct, holding the beings in Yosemite through artistry as well as power-clean-up, offering your midwifery thru sound, music, CD sales support, your overall mama-quality holding my process in the midst of your own loss of your dear friend and teacher...

I hope you know you will continue to be my soul sister and mango-dripping from chin goddess
Bless all that is you! Ananda

Heartfelt Thanks from Ananda & Lexi

Lisa, we took this picture just for you! Lexi and Ananda saying "Thank YOU Lisa" to the camera...nestled between the mountains of Silverton. Lexi's visit was supportive, loving and intuitively led. She brought her heart, her hands, her multitude of gifts and a whole lot of love. I consider these gifts from both of you because you made her trip happen. We held you in our hearts during a sweet mountain walk among the wildflowers yesterday afternoon. Your arms stretched all the way here, to hold me in this gesture. For that we both love and thank you dearly.
Love, Ananda and Lexi!!!