July 23, 2009 Durango COPictured: Becky, Cheryl, me, Lexi, Kelly, Karen
This was "day two". Unfocused and swirley, day one was the day I woke up to an empty apt (my choice) made the decisions at the mortuary, filtered the business of the transition and the changing of the guards in terms of helpers.
Then here we are, the next day, my girls, loving me up. Today was more grounded supported. Started my day with meditation and asked for what I needed. More well-paced, intimate, supportive, and very very very fun at times and sacred cackly women time ... My Silverton girls Becky & Karen, my Ashland girls Lex and Kelly (Kyle's sis), me and my ma all started on the sleigh bed talking and sharing smoothies, then we toned Om Guru Om (georgeous), then each spoke outloud to Davids spirit, tears streaming, then a cuddle puddle followed by planning the moving of objects and how to be of help, followed by Indian buffet across the street and more unfolding, describing how I let David go, the way time passed after he left. Soo I won't forget the vaporous imprint from my archive, I later asked for recording of what they rememberd me describing (below)... We set an intention marking that today begins the birth of my next chapter, a door to be walked thru mindfully and so I asked for what I need, was heard, and was responded to.
By Kelly Tisdel
I walked through the door of the condo in Durango and was greeted by a smiling, tender Ananda. She’s as you’d imagine - strong, grounded, available heart, purified, with eyes that tell of a beautiful intense journey up a sacred circuitous mountain trail of transition and back down the other side. I reflected to her what I saw in her eyes, “You have so much strength.” Tears came. “Do you feel him?” In certain moments… and she went on to explain as I was led upstairs to a sunlit bedroom with bouquets of flowers and pictures of Amma, Dolores, Ed, Ramana Maharshi, and David with a candle burning next to it. We sat on the bed and were joined by Becky (Friend from Silverton who has helped Ananda and David for the last couple years in so many ways and with nursing care), Lexi (Friend helping with so many details and self care for Ananda, from Ashland), Cheryl (Ananda’s mother), and Karen (Friend from Silverton who has been part of the support and care here).
Ananda shared about how she held space for David’s transition from his body in the doctor’s office and actually how perfect that was. One of David’s favorite doctors was there to hold the space as well, reassuring Ananda just by his presence that everything was fine, allowing her to be fully with David without wondering if there was anything else she had to do. She felt that David wanted that for her.
Hearing Ananda describe his passing, I was overwhelmed with the impression of how innate it is knowing how to serve during those moments of transition, birth and death. She was there with hands on him, whispering that he could stay, that move out of body as well… Over and over "you are loved".
He went through layers of transition out of his body. At one point Ananda stepped back, hands out emitting love and energy and also deliberately unwinding the umbilical cord between them. If indeed this was his moment to move from his body, he wouldn’t be torn with the decision to stay with her or go - he could make his decision clearly.
After a few moments, she moved in towards him again saying over and over, “You are loved… you so are loved…” and also reminding him of various saints, Amma, John of God, and people he loves and those on the “other side” to move towards… that he is held.
It was clear he was transitioning.
His breath was far apart, and eventually that rising and falling of the tidal breath in his body stopped.
Ananda is a midwife of life in and out of body, that is clear. Three hours were spent with his body as time expanded into chanting mantras, washing, tending, loving, blessing, saying goodbye.
She felt a clear distiction from David’s spirit and his body at the mortuary. She describes looking at his body, strewn with the flowers and song that she, Pamela, and Cara covered him with, and actually feeling him very clear right beside her. He was not in his body any longer. Kyle and Devin showed up and were given time with his body as well. When she returned, she saw their constellation: Devin at David’s head, Kyle at his feet, in deep love and silent space.
As we women sat on the bed in the condo we settled into more comfortable space and chanted. The presence and was precious and potent. We began speaking to David – each in our turn. Tears flowed with the overwhelming feeling of gratitude to a man who reflected and gave so much to the world and the people in it. We ended with a large chain of spooning each other in tenderness and chanting again… the vibration echoing through all of us.
Overall, the grief that is present exists with a firm ground underneath it. Ananda is not crumbling, she allows the feelings to rise and swell and subside. She is present with what is unfolding.
We fall into a deep ocean of existence, and wave with the currents that come to rock us into pure places within ourselves.
Thank you David.
Ananda shared about how she held space for David’s transition from his body in the doctor’s office and actually how perfect that was. One of David’s favorite doctors was there to hold the space as well, reassuring Ananda just by his presence that everything was fine, allowing her to be fully with David without wondering if there was anything else she had to do. She felt that David wanted that for her.
Hearing Ananda describe his passing, I was overwhelmed with the impression of how innate it is knowing how to serve during those moments of transition, birth and death. She was there with hands on him, whispering that he could stay, that move out of body as well… Over and over "you are loved".
He went through layers of transition out of his body. At one point Ananda stepped back, hands out emitting love and energy and also deliberately unwinding the umbilical cord between them. If indeed this was his moment to move from his body, he wouldn’t be torn with the decision to stay with her or go - he could make his decision clearly.
After a few moments, she moved in towards him again saying over and over, “You are loved… you so are loved…” and also reminding him of various saints, Amma, John of God, and people he loves and those on the “other side” to move towards… that he is held.
It was clear he was transitioning.
His breath was far apart, and eventually that rising and falling of the tidal breath in his body stopped.
Ananda is a midwife of life in and out of body, that is clear. Three hours were spent with his body as time expanded into chanting mantras, washing, tending, loving, blessing, saying goodbye.
She felt a clear distiction from David’s spirit and his body at the mortuary. She describes looking at his body, strewn with the flowers and song that she, Pamela, and Cara covered him with, and actually feeling him very clear right beside her. He was not in his body any longer. Kyle and Devin showed up and were given time with his body as well. When she returned, she saw their constellation: Devin at David’s head, Kyle at his feet, in deep love and silent space.
As we women sat on the bed in the condo we settled into more comfortable space and chanted. The presence and was precious and potent. We began speaking to David – each in our turn. Tears flowed with the overwhelming feeling of gratitude to a man who reflected and gave so much to the world and the people in it. We ended with a large chain of spooning each other in tenderness and chanting again… the vibration echoing through all of us.
Overall, the grief that is present exists with a firm ground underneath it. Ananda is not crumbling, she allows the feelings to rise and swell and subside. She is present with what is unfolding.
We fall into a deep ocean of existence, and wave with the currents that come to rock us into pure places within ourselves.
Thank you David.
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