As I sit and read the heart-filled words of our dear people, I cannot help but be struck by the depth of the pain I am feeling and the hugeness of the loss. I want to scream and cry, oh God, why couldn't you let him heal???!!! Why???!!! Why did he have to go so soon? so young? I am sobbing. And I need to give way to this, to allow this full body and heart collapse, because it is true and real, because I loved him so, because there is no other David, because the gap in my heart, the missing David, hurts so much. Sure, I will be strong and true to what is correct in this horribly unexpected scenario... both his parents dying at basically the same time, the appearance of the cancer and its serious course through his vulnerable body, the channeling of physical pain that would be impossible for any normal mortal, and now the passing, the leaving our world of earth, sky, shining sun, flowing water, moon, and more. I know I will go on, that I will carry his message of unbounded love and pristine self-knowing, of respect and humor. Of course I will... we all will. But for now it is the crying that matters, the feeling of it all, the explosion of grief that also seems to know no bounds.
Thank you for listening. I hope I have not made your mourning more painful for that is not my intention. I hold you all, our giant expansive community of love, in my heart. I think of you every day and love you very much. Thank you for all that you are and do in and for the world. I hope to see you whenever that is possible... maybe in Silverton at the end of August, yes?
As I sit in my grief, I am preparing to guide a vision quest trip that will take off for the Colorado wilderness tomorrow morning. We will return Sat. Aug. 1. I know this work because of David. I will do it in his honor. I am deeply grateful for all that has been given.
wishing you peace in your heart and much love...