From Dani July 20,2009

Dani getting green-drink into Ananda

Hi dear friends
Ananda has asked me to write a brief update on my 4 days with them in Durango.
I arrived on Thursday July 16th, the same day that David was released from the hospital and was brought to the apartment they have rented. The first day back was difficult for him, he wasn't talking much and seemed to be very far away. He was in pain, and dealing with alot of mucous coming out of the lungs or the tumor itself. His feet are swollen with edema, and painful, so foot rubs are the best way to be of service. At times the pain levels really increase and it is just horrible to witness his suffering and not be able to alleviate it. There were a few small crises that made me aware of how much goes into his caretaking on a daily basis.

By the fourth day I could see the David we all know and love behind his eyes again...and even his sense of humor came out, when he said: "Well Dani,welcome to my pajama party." He even started drawing again, with watercolor markers that Ananda bought for him.

I was quickly trained by Ananda in all the myriad tasks that are required in one 24 hour period to manage David's health care. Smoothies, foot rubs, mustard packs, antibiotics, IV's,oxygen, mucous remover, wash cloths, sterilizing procedures, fresh juices...and so on.
I now have the deepest empathy for what Ananda has been holding all on her own at various times. Even when people come to help, she has to put the effort out to orient them before they can be useful. To this end, I have volunteered to brief people before they plan to come, to make her job a little bit easier.

Ron, Devin's father joined us, so that Ananda was able to get back to Silverton for two nights, and just relax and reconnect with Ibn, their cat. She brought Ibn back to the apartment with her, and when I left he was happily exploring new nooks and crannys in his new territory. Ron and I made a good caretaking team while Ananda was in Silverton, nevertheless, there were things that came up that neither of us had expected to handle and it was a bit anxiety producing for both of us. As far as the next protocol for David, he is still on many antibiotics, and they have not yet made a decision about radiation therapy. His temperature is mostly close to normal, but he still has alot of pain, and the tumor is growing again and starting to obstruct his throat. They are still considering a trip to Brasil to see John of God. I feel happy to have seen David and be able to offer help. It just hard to hold the very human pain and suffering he is going through, and simultaneously see the brilliance of his soul and the light that comes through him.....and know that all is in divine order. I still pray for the miracle that will allow him to recover. His will to heal and cope with all that his body is going through and his inner strength are quite amazing.
That's all for now, love Dani Antman (Bay Area, Princeton Sanghas)

From Becky:

Hi Dani,

Just wanted to thank you for all your love and care while you were here last week~it was immensely wonderful timing, and I know invaluable time with him. As I read your update from your visit, I smiled with recognition of all the true words you put on paper....and I valued the recognition you gave Ananda for her endless dedication.

I feel so blessed to have had the several months with him at his bedside that I did. It was the most difficult nursing I've ever done, but never have I experienced such personal and professional growth. He came into my life after I had nursed his mother for several months also. My sadness of her death was immense, and he was able to fill the void Dolores had left behind, and continue the growth she had started. I am a new person since I had met her, and an even better person since I met him 2 1/2 short but incredibly significant years ago.

He will always have a special place in my heart, and my family's as he assisted, observed and celebrated my son's arrival into this world a little over a year ago.

Of course I have some regret of not being more present the last of his life (while you were here), but I know the Universe makes no mistakes, and I realized I was already letting go. I don't understand but I actually do. I felt I was able to say goodbye a while ago...so again, I thank you for stepping in. .

Thank you again for your beautiful spirit, I know this will be with you the rest of your days....

With love,

Becky